Album art by Theresa Steward: ‘Deep Sea Skinny Dipping’
All songs mixed and mastered by Curtis Fye
All songs © Paul Willson
Some Live As If
‘Some Live As If’ explores the soft boundary between life and death, sometimes with humor, sometimes soberly. Are we really living or have we become either robots or vampires? How do we keep a living connection with loved ones who have died? How do we keep a sense of meaning alive in our lives? What follows is a brief and very incomplete description of the tracks on the album.
‘Apologies to the Dead’ starts things off in a playful way: coming out of sleep to find waking life just as dream-like. Where are we and what are we doing again? Oh also, who are we? The joke in question in the last verse must be something about taking life a bit too seriously. ‘Robot Station’ questions whether we want to be human at all and riffs on our off-the-rails relationship with technology; there’s a lot of cheekiness with a vulnerable heart underneath. ‘Vampire Village’ continues with a darker and more melodramatic humor addressing personal and societal struggles with depression and friendship. ‘Some Live As If’ uses deep-sea imagery contrasted with imagery of paradise to depict the irony that some thrive in the most difficult of places while others find only ennui in luxury.
Two songs on the album are for loved ones who have passed: ‘How I Keep You’ for my sister Marigene Willson and ‘The Spell Is Broken’ for my friend James Ritter. These songs are calls of love to keep Marigene and James alive with us. A certain amount of weeping went into these two songs and the water harps and fiddle on ‘How I Keep You’ communicate this effectively I think.
Conversely, ‘Lean In My Love’ and ‘I’m Free’ are about severing from that which is no longer living: shedding dead skin in order to connect to what is more alive and authentic. ‘Deep Sea Skinny Dipping’ is a sort of folk ballad taken into deep sea places and builds on the theme of braving new territory, going off the beaten path to find inspiration in the strange. ‘The Living and the Dead Talk’ is a sort of plea from the living to seize the day. However the dead have something to say in response: ‘have patience and accept limitations’. Burning passion for life needs to be tempered by compassion. We all struggle. Living isn’t easy.
Life keeps changing and we have to change with it. We have to keep finding new meanings that fit. ‘Renewal of the Dead’, towards the end of the album, is intended as a ritual to help us find our way back to life. ‘Magic In Reality’ was written for the wedding of my friends Jordan and Ellie. This instrumental piece closes the album as a bit of the magic that’s possible when our lives are renewed by love. The two pennywhistles in the second half symbolize the dance of partnership; in my mind I picture two birds moving together.
I believe that art is one of the best friends we can have along the way as we try to live well. May our efforts be an offering ‘for the benefit of all beings’.
With appreciation,
Paul Willson
Apologies To The Dead
I woke up in the middle of a dream I forget the one but it’s one you’ve seen I was still moving and my nose was bleeding I guess someone in my head really gave me a beating Memories, things i’d heard people say Only moments but the feeling stayed I woke up unsure where I was So I went with the others and got on a bus Finally I thought I heard someone say That we’d be driving off a bridge today I thought off a bridge is alright with me If I’ve got a reason and some company I woke up and my clothes were gone For a moment I forgot i had to put them on Do i have to wear that old suit again? The neck is tight and that stain from back when Can’t walk naked in the street so they say But it seems like a lot to wear it every day I woke up from laughing in my sleep A joke so good it would make the dead weep There was mirth in my bones when I told the joke But It didn’t get the response I had hoped I apologize to those of you who are dead I should’ve told a less morbid joke insteadBass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
2. Lean In My Love
Lean in my love Lean in my dove What can you do When you’re so cold you Can hardly move my love My love My little dove Why did you choose A game that you Could only lose My love Maybe it’s time For a new game Lean in my love It’s never easy to change Lean in my love Lean in my love Where can you turn All the boats were burned stay or learn My love Maybe it’s time For a new game Lean in my love It’s never easy to change Bass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Alto Saxophone: David Hood Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
3. Robot Station
I don’t care about recognition Or I won’t once I’m in a less human condition When I’m a robot man I’ll have robot hands And I’ll be able to do all a robot can If no one claps I’ll be alright with that Cause I’m pretty sure robots don’t give a damn I won’t care about having friends Robots only need to talk now and again For my nutritional needs I’ll have my online feed And a heart will only be an emoji to me If you don’t remember when there were actual friends I’m pretty sure it’ll be easy I don’t struggle with limitations Or I won’t once I get to robot station Human boundaries No longer have to be we’ll reach so far that we’ll forget why we reached Living life is overrated More interesting things can be simulated You’ll see Maybe the reason you’re a hero of mine You put a person-shaped hole in thinking everything’s fine we leave a part of ourselves in the cold all the time And then wonder at all these frozen children we find Robots no they don’t break under duress But if we traded living then what’s left to protect I ache for your pain and i wish for you rest But i’m glad that you failed the robot test I won’t care about making art There’s about as much use in a robot’s fart I’ll be happy to say That meaning’s passe And we can be more productive with our days What’s so great in what you create If humans don’t last anyway Bass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Voice, Fiddle and Concertina: Paul Willson
4. Some Live As If
Forgotten by the sun at the bottom of the sea Down where dawn’s red fingers can’t reach Some live as if in one long night Only lit by wraiths and wisps of light Beings look a bit different down here Darkness will do that after some years Alien angles jagged and smooth Pale white and bright as shining jewels In a sodden world pitch black and cold How can anything manage to glow? Claimed by the sun on a hill of green Where dawn’s warm touch can be felt and seen Some live as if in endless day lit by inexhaustible rays Beings seem as great as the gods up here Nectar will do that after some years Heavenly shapes and ambrosia on trees Each color and taste unable to please In a brilliant world of white and gold How can light not reach the soul?Violin 1: Susanna Klein Violin 2: Anna Bishop Viola: Hyo-Joo Uh Cello: Schuyler Slack Voice: Paul Willson
5. Deep Sea Skinny Dipping
It was on one bright may morning I took off my scuba gear I took off my clothes for you know Little’s the good they’ll do you there And slowly then I began to descend The daylight away was slipping It was time I knew I was long overdue To go deep sea skinny dipping Mr Sun in the sky such an affable guy But my business today’s not with him Something’s calling me in the deep I can hardly hear it in this din Don’t worry my friend yes we’ll meet again But it’s no more that i will be skipping that thing I need to be naked and free To go deep sea skinny dipping Some would say ‘what’s the point of visiting there?’ A cold lonesome place with no light Wouldn’t you rather be in coastal seas Where the water is teeming and bright But it’s little they know there’s plenty that glows and warmth and life where the sea floor is ripping It might make you alive to take a good dive To go deep sea skinny dipping So come all you good and honest folks Take my aquatic advice If you should go you’re sure to grow But this gift it comes at price For once you start you’ll oft feel apart you may find that the world feels different But it’s you who’s changed, for you can’t stay the same Once you’ve been deep sea skinny dipping Voice and Waterharps: Paul Willson
6. Vampire Village
I went knocking on my friend’s door A place I’d often been before I saw a silhouette when I knocked I’m not sure if they were home or not I made a call to my old friend And heard a voice on the other end But I talked to no-one when I called I’m not sure if they were there at all My mind was pacing like an inmate inside white asylum walls My heart beat like a drummer who keeps no time at all Was their blood sucked by a fiend of the night? sapped of their strength and kept from daylight? I tried to fight it but part of me knew If a demon had my friends they were already screwed When I told people about the ghoul Some were sad and some thought me a fool Some people said thats called growing up Some said ‘you expect too much’ But no i wasn’t confused i knew That monster had taken their blood too I stood my ground and met their eyes But they got in my head I was hypnotized Now I’m as free as a bat afraid to leave his cave wall And my clothes are stained red from the bitings and all But now I’m one of them please understand I take as little blood as I can Welcome to vampire village my dear If you’re not living nor dead then you’ll fit in hereBass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Alto Saxophone: David Hood Glockenspiel: Matt Coyle Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
7. How I Keep You
(Dedicated to Marigene Willson) Back when you left the veil was so thin I didn’t doubt that i’d see you again I didn’t doubt that your voice would come through ’cause often our spirits were talking But now and then that feeling comes on So much has changed since you’ve been gone I’m not as sure how to fit you So now my spirit is calling Haunt me tear me anew Yes that broken part inside of my heart I keep it It’s how I keep you Haunt me bring me to you If the pain comes when you visit then I’ll let it So I can keep you I think of you as my friendly ghost Unfinished business that’s yours and mine both Unfinished business the grief in my soul The love that needs to be given It’s not that I am looking for pain I simply know that there’s an exchange Sorrow sometimes is the price to be paid The love it costs to keep living Bass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Glockenspiel: Matt Coyle Voice, Waterharps, Fiddle and Guitar: Paul Willson
8. The Spell Is Broken
(Dedicated to James Ritter) When the kingdom fell apart I’d catch myself start trying to put it together again for all my efforts my friend We’re here it’s the end Like that feeling as a child when The spell is broken You know but you’re hoping The story would not have to end The same is true Our story is through I’m sad but I’m happy too Even Arthur and his knights They ran out of fight And they bore him off to Avalon We had our fights All forgiven now all right But still our time here is gone The spell is broken You know but you’re hoping The story will not have to end The same is true Our story is through I’m sad but I’m happy too When the table is empty It’s hard not to be Lost in thoughts of what led to the fall But the tales of the past The fellowship that couldn’t last It’s a wonder that it happened at all The spell is broken You know but you’re hoping The story will not have to end The same is true Our story is through I’m sad but I’m happy too Bass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
9. The Living And The Dead Talk
You look like you you’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop Can’t you see it already has Don’t you understand There will never be a day more beautiful Take me by the hand Remind me where i am It would mean something to me if you would understand Anything, anything just to avoid that sting you feel Can’t you see there are fates worse than these Don’t you understand That every time you throw away a key Meet me where i am Forgive me if you can It would mean something to me if you would take my handVoice and Guitar: Paul Willson
10. I’m Free
I’m free I’m free Say sir can you help me I’m looking for some certainty I’m where I should be I’m free Though little I could see it I see I see I held it all in my hands I had the will and had a plan It was not to be I see I see I had to be defeated I’m free I’m free The daylight that I spent Building a brilliant argument I now concede I’m free I’m free I’m done with disagreement Bass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
11. Renewal Of The Dead (For The Benefit Of All Beings)
Violin 1: Susanna Klein Violin 2: Anna Bishop Viola: Hyo-Joo Uh Cello: Schuyler Slack
12. Magic In Reality
(Dedicated to Jordan and Ellie) Bass: Max Wareham Drums: Karl Helander Guitar and pennywhistles: Paul Willson