Album art by Theresa Steward: ‘Deep Sea Skinny Dipping’
All songs mixed and mastered by Curtis Fye
All songs © Paul Willson
Some Live As If
‘Some Live As If’ explores the soft boundary between life and death, sometimes with humor, sometimes soberly. Are we really living or have we become either robots or vampires? How do we keep a living connection with loved ones who have died? How do we keep a sense of meaning alive in our lives? What follows is a brief and very incomplete description of the tracks on the album.
‘Apologies to the Dead’ starts things off in a playful way: coming out of sleep to find waking life just as dream-like. Where are we and what are we doing again? Oh also, who are we? The joke in question in the last verse must be something about taking life a bit too seriously. ‘Robot Station’ questions whether we want to be human at all and riffs on our off-the-rails relationship with technology; there’s a lot of cheekiness with a vulnerable heart underneath. ‘Vampire Village’ continues with a darker and more melodramatic humor addressing personal and societal struggles with depression and friendship. ‘Some Live As If’ uses deep-sea imagery contrasted with imagery of paradise to depict the irony that some thrive in the most difficult of places while others find only ennui in luxury.
Two songs on the album are for loved ones who have passed: ‘How I Keep You’ for my sister Marigene Willson and ‘The Spell Is Broken’ for my friend James Ritter. These songs are calls of love to keep Marigene and James alive with us. A certain amount of weeping went into these two songs and the water harps and fiddle on ‘How I Keep You’ communicate this effectively I think.
Conversely, ‘Lean In My Love’ and ‘I’m Free’ are about severing from that which is no longer living: shedding dead skin in order to connect to what is more alive and authentic. ‘Deep Sea Skinny Dipping’ is a sort of folk ballad taken into deep sea places and builds on the theme of braving new territory, going off the beaten path to find inspiration in the strange. ‘The Living and the Dead Talk’ is a sort of plea from the living to seize the day. However the dead have something to say in response: ‘have patience and accept limitations’. Burning passion for life needs to be tempered by compassion. We all struggle. Living isn’t easy.
Life keeps changing and we have to change with it. We have to keep finding new meanings that fit. ‘Renewal of the Dead’, towards the end of the album, is intended as a ritual to help us find our way back to life. ‘Magic In Reality’ was written for the wedding of my friends Jordan and Ellie. This instrumental piece closes the album as a bit of the magic that’s possible when our lives are renewed by love. The two pennywhistles in the second half symbolize the dance of partnership; in my mind I picture two birds moving together.
I believe that art is one of the best friends we can have along the way as we try to live well. May our efforts be an offering ‘for the benefit of all beings’.
With appreciation,
Paul Willson
- Apologies To The Dead
I woke up in the middle of a dream
I forget the one but it’s one you’ve seen
I was still moving and my nose was bleeding
I guess someone in my head really gave me a beating
Memories, things i’d heard people say
Only moments but the feeling stayed
I woke up unsure where I was
So I went with the others and got on a bus
Finally I thought I heard someone say
That we’d be driving off a bridge today
I thought off a bridge is alright with me
If I’ve got a reason and some company
I woke up and my clothes were gone
For a moment I forgot i had to put them on
Do i have to wear that old suit again?
The neck is tight and that stain from back when
Can’t walk naked in the street so they say
But it seems like a lot to wear it every day
I woke up from laughing in my sleep
A joke so good it would make the dead weep
There was mirth in my bones when I told the joke
But It didn’t get the response I had hoped
I apologize to those of you who are dead
I should’ve told a less morbid joke instead
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
2. Lean In My Love
Lean in my love
Lean in my dove
What can you do
When you’re so cold you
Can hardly move
my love
My love
My little dove
Why did you choose
A game that you
Could only lose
My love
Maybe it’s time
For a new game
Lean in my love
It’s never easy to change
Lean in my love
Lean in my love
Where can you turn
All the boats were burned
stay or learn
My love
Maybe it’s time
For a new game
Lean in my love
It’s never easy to change
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Alto Saxophone: David Hood
Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
3. Robot Station
I don’t care about recognition
Or I won’t once I’m in a less human condition
When I’m a robot man
I’ll have robot hands
And I’ll be able to do all a robot can
If no one claps I’ll be alright with that
Cause I’m pretty sure robots don’t give a damn
I won’t care about having friends
Robots only need to talk now and again
For my nutritional needs
I’ll have my online feed
And a heart will only be an emoji to me
If you don’t remember when there were actual friends
I’m pretty sure it’ll be easy
I don’t struggle with limitations
Or I won’t once I get to robot station
Human boundaries
No longer have to be
we’ll reach so far that we’ll forget why we reached
Living life is overrated
More interesting things can be simulated
You’ll see
Maybe the reason you’re a hero of mine
You put a person-shaped hole in thinking everything’s fine
we leave a part of ourselves in the cold all the time
And then wonder at all these frozen children we find
Robots no they don’t break under duress
But if we traded living then what’s left to protect
I ache for your pain and i wish for you rest
But i’m glad that you failed the robot test
I won’t care about making art
There’s about as much use in a robot’s fart
I’ll be happy to say
That meaning’s passe
And we can be more productive with our days
What’s so great in what you create
If humans don’t last anyway
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Voice, Fiddle and Concertina: Paul Willson
4. Some Live As If
Forgotten by the sun at the bottom of the sea
Down where dawn’s red fingers can’t reach
Some live as if in one long night
Only lit by wraiths and wisps of light
Beings look a bit different down here
Darkness will do that after some years
Alien angles jagged and smooth
Pale white and bright as shining jewels
In a sodden world pitch black and cold
How can anything manage to glow?
Claimed by the sun on a hill of green
Where dawn’s warm touch can be felt and seen
Some live as if in endless day
lit by inexhaustible rays
Beings seem as great as the gods up here
Nectar will do that after some years
Heavenly shapes and ambrosia on trees
Each color and taste unable to please
In a brilliant world of white and gold
How can light not reach the soul?
Violin 1: Susanna Klein
Violin 2: Anna Bishop
Viola: Hyo-Joo Uh
Cello: Schuyler Slack
Voice: Paul Willson
5. Deep Sea Skinny Dipping
It was on one bright may morning
I took off my scuba gear
I took off my clothes for you know
Little’s the good they’ll do you there
And slowly then I began to descend
The daylight away was slipping
It was time I knew
I was long overdue
To go deep sea skinny dipping
Mr Sun in the sky such an affable guy
But my business today’s not with him
Something’s calling me in the deep
I can hardly hear it in this din
Don’t worry my friend yes we’ll meet again
But it’s no more that i will be skipping
that thing I need to be naked and free
To go deep sea skinny dipping
Some would say ‘what’s the point of visiting there?’
A cold lonesome place with no light
Wouldn’t you rather be in coastal seas
Where the water is teeming and bright
But it’s little they know there’s plenty that glows and warmth and life where the sea floor is ripping
It might make you alive to take a good dive
To go deep sea skinny dipping
So come all you good and honest folks
Take my aquatic advice
If you should go you’re sure to grow
But this gift it comes at price
For once you start you’ll oft feel apart
you may find that the world feels different
But it’s you who’s changed, for you can’t stay the same
Once you’ve been deep sea skinny dipping
Voice and Waterharps: Paul Willson
6. Vampire Village
I went knocking on my friend’s door
A place I’d often been before
I saw a silhouette when I knocked
I’m not sure if they were home or not
I made a call to my old friend
And heard a voice on the other end
But I talked to no-one when I called
I’m not sure if they were there at all
My mind was pacing like an inmate inside white asylum walls
My heart beat like a drummer who keeps no time at all
Was their blood sucked by a fiend of the night?
sapped of their strength and kept from daylight?
I tried to fight it but part of me knew
If a demon had my friends they were already screwed
When I told people about the ghoul
Some were sad and some thought me a fool
Some people said thats called growing up
Some said ‘you expect too much’
But no i wasn’t confused i knew
That monster had taken their blood too
I stood my ground and met their eyes
But they got in my head I was hypnotized
Now I’m as free as a bat afraid to leave his cave wall
And my clothes are stained red from the bitings and all
But now I’m one of them please understand
I take as little blood as I can
Welcome to vampire village my dear
If you’re not living nor dead then you’ll fit in here
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Alto Saxophone: David Hood
Glockenspiel: Matt Coyle
Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
7. How I Keep You
(Dedicated to Marigene Willson)
Back when you left the veil was so thin
I didn’t doubt that i’d see you again
I didn’t doubt that your voice would come through
’cause often our spirits were talking
But now and then that feeling comes on
So much has changed since you’ve been gone
I’m not as sure how to fit you
So now my spirit is calling
Haunt me tear me anew
Yes that broken part inside of my heart
I keep it
It’s how I keep you
Haunt me bring me to you
If the pain comes when you visit then
I’ll let it
So I can keep you
I think of you as my friendly ghost
Unfinished business that’s yours and mine both
Unfinished business the grief in my soul
The love that needs to be given
It’s not that I am looking for pain
I simply know that there’s an exchange
Sorrow sometimes is the price to be paid
The love it costs to keep living
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Glockenspiel: Matt Coyle
Voice, Waterharps, Fiddle and Guitar: Paul Willson
8. The Spell Is Broken
(Dedicated to James Ritter)
When the kingdom fell apart
I’d catch myself start
trying to put it together again
for all my efforts my friend
We’re here it’s the end
Like that feeling as a child when
The spell is broken
You know but you’re hoping
The story would not have to end
The same is true
Our story is through
I’m sad but I’m happy too
Even Arthur and his knights
They ran out of fight
And they bore him off to Avalon
We had our fights
All forgiven now all right
But still our time here is gone
The spell is broken
You know but you’re hoping
The story will not have to end
The same is true
Our story is through
I’m sad but I’m happy too
When the table is empty
It’s hard not to be
Lost in thoughts of what led to the fall
But the tales of the past
The fellowship that couldn’t last
It’s a wonder that it happened at all
The spell is broken
You know but you’re hoping
The story will not have to end
The same is true
Our story is through
I’m sad but I’m happy too
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
9. The Living And The Dead Talk
You look like you you’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop
Can’t you see it already has
Don’t you understand
There will never be a day more beautiful
Take me by the hand
Remind me where i am
It would mean something to me if you would understand
Anything, anything just to avoid that sting you feel
Can’t you see there are fates worse than these
Don’t you understand
That every time you throw away a key
Meet me where i am
Forgive me if you can
It would mean something to me if you would take my hand
Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
10. I’m Free
I’m free
I’m free
Say sir can you help me
I’m looking for some certainty
I’m where I should be
I’m free
Though little I could see it
I see
I see
I held it all in my hands
I had the will and had a plan
It was not to be
I see
I see
I had to be defeated
I’m free
I’m free
The daylight that I spent
Building a brilliant argument
I now concede
I’m free
I’m free
I’m done with disagreement
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Voice and Guitar: Paul Willson
11. Renewal Of The Dead (For The Benefit Of All Beings)
Violin 1: Susanna Klein
Violin 2: Anna Bishop
Viola: Hyo-Joo Uh
Cello: Schuyler Slack
12. Magic In Reality
(Dedicated to Jordan and Ellie)
Bass: Max Wareham
Drums: Karl Helander
Guitar and pennywhistles: Paul Willson